i hate my father’s views on everything. we haven’t seen him in three weeks but he just came back today and sat my mother and brother down at the table to brainwash them about gender roles for two hours. he keeps rambling about how the liberation of women is really what is destroying western society and the world; how the so-called “father figure” archetype was consciously put down and destroyed to break families apart and destabilize individuals; how women have only become financially independant for the sake of profiting to consumerism; how western society has regressed for the sake of “equality”; how society is in chaos because of how families have become unstructured because of a lack of “masculine rigidity”, and how all western men not being “real men” anymore will be the reason for the irrevocable defeat of the West against the East.

he thinks all fathers should be hated or at least feared by their children in order to create an emotional barrier between them both, so that their kids are raised right and “know their place in society”. he is telling my brother to raise his future children so that the boys will become strong, real men and the girls dependant women who will have time to take care of his granddchildren. i don’t know how he has the nerve to say to my mother’s face that the perfect wife would be one that stays at home taking care of the kids, when she has done a wonderful job at raising us three while working her ass off at the same time.

the thing he doesn’t realize is that i wish he did the opposite of what he thinks the ideal father does to me and my brothers as we were and are growing up. i can see the repercussions of this in both of my brothers’ personalities. one of them is so shy and reserved he barely ever says what he means. the other one, the youngest, has violent reactions to the most minor things. i’m scared of him and he is four years younger than me. this isn’t right. this isn’t how we should have been raised, although my father insists it is, and he even wishes he had been more distant from us; he thinks he showed too much affection. i think it’s funny that he hangs on so much to this idea of masculine/feminine “instincts” being the main element that defines a human’s character when i, the daughter, feel much more assertive and impulsive (both so-called masculine traits) than my brothers. he achieved the opposite of what i think he tried to. he perpetuated this generation of degenerate youth. but in a way, he also succeeded, because i fear, and sometimes, hate him.

Fka Twigs

Gorgeous, terrifying, illegal hike.  Those are the best kind.

Adriana Lima in “Sol e Sal” photographed by Jacques Dequeker for Vogue Brazil, October 2000


Whitehaven Beach, Australia.